Young marriage is becoming more common in our world today, and it still receives a lot of negative feedback from family members, peers, parents and even strangers. Everyone’s situation is different, but I want to share some of the things I have experienced and didnt expect when getting married at a young age.
A little backstory to preface this, my husband and I got married when we were 19. My husband was in the military at the time and young marriage isn’t uncommon among military couples. Before that we were high school sweethearts and had a long distance relationship for almost two years while he was in the Marine Corps and I was in college. We decided that we didn’t want to be apart anymore and one deployment later we finally got engaged!!
We had a beautiful winter wedding on December 30,2017. We paid for most of our wedding ourselves. We saved all of our extra money, and I even worked two jobs on top of going to college because we wanted to have the wedding we had always dreamed about. On the coldest day in a December that we had in YEARS in Indiana, we said “I Do”. We had the time of our lives, but…. we faced a lot of challenges to get to where we are today. With that being said let’s dive right into the things I did not expect when getting married at 19….
- A. LOT. of Negativity
I knew when making this decision that I would face a lot of different opinions, but what I didn’t expect was a lot of backlash from my family.
My parents didn’t approve of my decision, they thought I was giving up so much by getting married young. It made me question a lot during that time, but I knew in my heart that it was right for me. Things eventually turned around, and I gained my parents and my family’s support, but that was something I definitely was not prepared for.
I would also receive comments from family and friends saying I was “too young” and that I needed to “experience life” or that we would end up divorced. These comments were hard to hear at times, but stay true to yourself!
- You Grow Up Fast
I have always been pretty mature for my age, but moving out on your own when you’re newlyweds makes you grow up a lot faster than most people your age. It is a big adjustment, but it teaches you so much about each other. I had to learn how to balance school, work, and running a household all while trying to make new friends in a new state. It really puts you out of your comfort zone and helps you to be thankful that you have each other.
- It Can Be a Big Transition
Living with each other is so exciting when you’re newlyweds, but it can be a big change. We had to learn how to live together, but also still respect each other’s space and individuality. My husband likes to play video games. He was used to living alone and being able to play whenever he wanted, that was something we had to work through and figure out how to balance our time. I usually had homework to do, but that was still a big adjustment for me. Having time to yourself and being an individual is important. So if you have a hobby that you or your spouse enjoy, take some time for yourselves once in awhile!
- Marriage is Work
Now I know this sounds naive, but I knew marriage wasnt going to be entirely “living on love” like Alan Jackson says, but you have to show up for each other everyday. My husband was in the military and that can be especially challenging sometimes because he was gone A. LOT. Long distance and changing plans can be hard on a marriage. What I learned is you have to set a good foundation and learn how to be a unit. So when trouble does come you can work through it together. The first year is a big learning curve, but give each other some grace and grow together.
- You Gain the Best Friend You Will Ever Have
Again, this seems like an obvious point but my husband is my person, my lobster, the one I can tell anything. We made the promise to each other that no matter how hard it may be we will always be honest with one another. Sometimes that can be a curse more than a blessing, especially when one of us is hangry! He knows all of my quirks and I know all of his. You spouse becomes your best friend, and that makes it all worth it. Take time to learn each other’s love language and don’t compare yourself to other couples. Everyone shows their love in a different way!
Getting married at 19 was one of the best decisions I ever made, and the only thing I regret is not marrying him sooner 😉 Young marriage may not be for everyone but if you know in your heart that it is what is best for you than do it! We get to grow together and learn so much together. Here we are now 22 going on three years of marriage, getting ready to build our first home together! Even if you face backlash and negativity things do get better and in the end you have to do what’s best for YOU and not worry so much about what everyone else has to say!