Getting married young was definitely a rollercoaster! We are only 22 and 23 so let’s face it we are still young, BUT we have come a long way since we got married at 19 almost 3 years ago! In those 3 years we have moved to a new state, got a dog, spent more time apart in our first year of marriage than we did together, and lived the military life for a while. When we moved back home we realized just how much everything we went through shaped us and the marriage dynamic we have.
Everyone says your first year of marriage is the hardest and I think that’s true because that is when you do A LOT of growing and changing. With that being said I am going to talk about 4 lessons you learn when you get married young.
- Communication is VERY important
Communication is one of the most important things in young marriage and just marriage in general. You have to learn the best way to communicate with your spouse. This makes talking about big life decisions A LOT easier when you are on the same page. It is also important to communicate with your spouse about things that are bothering you, and helps you have more productive discussions about the hard things.
- Don’t Compare Your Marriage to Someone Elses
In the age of social media it is SO easy to compare your situation to someone else’s.. We are all guilty about comparing ourselves to other people, but on social media you only see a glimpse into someone’s life. Almost everyday you see someone getting engaged, getting married, going on trips and it can be so easy to get discouraged and caught up in what you don’t have. The truth is my husband and I argue and disagree about a lot of things, but that is HEALTHY to do in a relationship. You have to learn what dynamic works best for you and your relationship. We are all individual people and God gave us our own unique personalities for a reason. EVERY marriage is different, and figuring it out is just part of the process.
- Learn Your Spouse’s Love Language
In our premarital counseling we received an audiobook about the 5 love languages and I think that was one of MOST helpful things that I learned especially in our first year of marriage. My husband’s love language is physical touch, and acts of service and my love language is quality time and words of affirmation. It took us a while to figure that out and it was a big transition. Your wants and needs will change over time, but I think it is really important to let your spouse know you appreciate them. Different people express their love and appreciation in different ways. In your marriage, you get to understand your partner’s dynamic on a deeper level and I think it only brings you closer together.
- If You Want Something to Change You Have to Change Too
This is the MOST important lesson I learned especially in our first year of marriage, and I still have to sit back and reevaluate my actions sometimes. I spent a lot of my time not knowing how to effectively communicate my needs in the beginning of our marriage, especially when I would want/need help with things. I found that when I would ask my husband to help me out with certain things, they would change for a little while and then go back to the way they were before. This would often leave me frustrated and upset because I felt like he wasn’t listening to me or helping me in the way that I needed. One day, I said to myself maybe this is a “ME” problem. So, I changed my approach of how I asked him to do things and asked him what is the best way to communicate my wants and needs to him….. let me tell you this CHANGED our marriage dynamic so much. Learning how to look at what you need to change in yourself to help see the change in your spouse is so important BECAUSE if we don’t address it we can find ourselves building up with resentment and anger.
Now this isn’t an overnight change, but more like “sprinkling salt” to make things better a little at a time and building up to be where you want to be in your marriage and your communication with your spouse.
These are just a few things I have learned and I am still learning in my young marriage, but I feel like they can be helpful to you even if you are currently married, looking to get married, or are in a young marriage. Let me know in the comments some of the lessons you have learned in your marriage or how long you have been married to your spouse!
Until next time…..
Riley Jo XOXO