The Truth About Waiting Until Marriage

Disclaimer: I know this is a more personal and controversial topic, but I want to share my story and experience. I won’t be going into all the nitty gritty details, but I will be sharing my view and opinion. I want to be as real and honest as possible in my blog posts. This post is not to shame or judge people, I just want to share my experience to help others who may be in the same situation. 

I know this blog is a little different than my normal content, but this is something that has really been on my heart to share. For a few weeks now I have been trying to figure out the best way to share this story, so I am going to put it into words the best that I can. 

So lets talk about sex….

I know in the Christian community talking about sex is seen as a taboo topic, and most of the time it is avoided. Now, I’m not saying to put your sex life out in the open for everyone to hear. However, I think it should be normalized to talk about sex because it is a natural part of life and God created it to be a good thing. 

One thing that stuck with me from my purity class was that our youth leaders and pastors never told us sex was a bad thing. Instead, they took the time to teach us that God intended it to be within the boundaries of marriage, and that it was a GOOD thing. I think a lot of Christians can be scared into thinking that sex is a bad thing and it can affect them when they do get married because they still have the notion in their head that it is wrong or dirty. Or they rebel as a teenager because their parents tell them not to do it.

Now, I am not going to lie waiting until marriage isn’t easy all the time. Waiting is not a popular trend amongst young people. You have to deal with peer pressure, influence from social media, society, music….it is EVERYWHERE. If it is something you have decided for yourself you are going to have to deal with the temptation, being tested in your faith, and in your decision because it is not the “popular” thing to do.

For some comedic relief: I have a funny story that I am going to tell that just shows how you can be tested and how God has a sense of humor. 

So, I went to the ceremony for the end of my purity class and my now mother in law asked me to come over after the ceremony because they had a present for me. So, my parents drove me over to their house and to my SURPRISE, my boyfriend (now husband) had come home for leave since he was in the military….THE DAY OF MY PURITY CLASS GRADUATION…. In uniform…. And I hadn’t seen him for like 6 months…. TALK ABOUT TEMPTATION! That story has ALWAYS stuck with me haha! Moral of the story you will be tempted!

ANYWAYS……

On a more serious note, waiting can be such a positive experience, but I did face a lot of backlash. In highschool, my husband and I were a target for jokes and mocking. People would ask my husband “Why are you dating her if she’s not going to give it up?” or “She doesnt really love you if she doesnt have sex with you” and it was a really hard time hearing all of these things but I knew in my heart that it is what I wanted to do. My husband always respected my decision and stood up for me and for our relationship. HONESTLY, it’s nobody else’s business besides you and your significant others.

I made this decision because I wanted to be able to give that to my spouse who I knew I would spend the rest of my life with. It honestly made our relationship a lot stronger by going through that stage of our life. When my husband joined the military the mocking only got worse (all of my military people know how that environment is). However, We both stayed strong in our decision and when we got married that helped us to have a different type of bond by sharing something that is on such a personal and intimate level.

Frankly, you will both be inexperienced and not know what you are doing, but in the beginning NOBODY does. That is all a part of the experience. Whether you choose to wait until marriage or not. That also applies to anything in life, you are not going to be good at anything the first time. Learning and growing with each other can help to strengthen the bond in your marriage because you get to know each other like no one else does.

If you choose to wait until marriage you’re labeled as a “prude”, and if you choose to have sex before marriage you are labeled as “easy” so you really cant win no matter what decision you make. Someone will always have something to say!

Again, I know this isn’t the content I normally post. I just felt it in my heart to share my experience for someone who has gone through it, is going through it, or someone who wants to pursue waiting until marriage. I don’t want to make anyone feel ashamed or judged because we all sin and no sin is greater than another! This was just to share some of the challenges I faced in a really intimate portion of my life. In my blog, I want to be as transparent and honest as possible even if only one person can relate to me!

As always, feel free to message me or comment with any questions or if you just want to chat!

Until next time…….

Riley Jo XOXO

4 Lessons You Learn In Young Marriage

Getting married young was definitely a rollercoaster!  We are only 22 and 23 so let’s face it we are still young, BUT we have come a long way since we got married at 19 almost 3 years ago! In those 3 years we have moved to a new state, got a dog, spent more time apart in our first year of marriage than we did together, and lived the military life for a while. When we moved back home we realized just how much everything we went through shaped us and the marriage dynamic we have. 

Everyone says your first year of marriage is the hardest and I think that’s true because that is when you do A LOT of growing and changing. With that being said I am going to talk about 4 lessons you learn when you get married young. 

  1. Communication is VERY important 

Communication is one of the most important things in young marriage and just marriage in general. You have to learn the best way to communicate with your spouse. This makes talking about big life decisions A LOT easier when you are on the same page. It is also important to communicate with your spouse about things that are bothering you, and helps you have more productive discussions about the hard things. 

  1. Don’t Compare Your Marriage to Someone Elses

In the age of social media it is SO easy to compare your situation to someone else’s.. We are all guilty about comparing ourselves to other people, but on social media you only see a glimpse into someone’s life. Almost everyday you see someone getting engaged, getting married, going on trips and it can be so easy to get discouraged and caught up in what you don’t have. The truth is my husband and I argue and disagree about a lot of things, but that is HEALTHY to do in a relationship. You have to learn what dynamic works best for you and your relationship. We are all individual people and God gave us our own unique personalities for a reason. EVERY marriage is different, and figuring it out is just part of the process.

  1. Learn Your Spouse’s Love Language

In our premarital counseling we received an audiobook about the 5 love languages and I think that was one of MOST helpful things that I learned especially in our first year of marriage. My husband’s love language is physical touch, and acts of service and my love language is quality time and words of affirmation. It took us a while to figure that out and it was a big transition. Your wants and needs will change over time, but I think it is really important to let your spouse know you appreciate them. Different people express their love and appreciation in different ways. In your marriage, you get to understand your partner’s dynamic on a deeper level and I think it only brings you closer together.

  1. If You Want Something to Change You Have to Change Too

This is the MOST important lesson I learned especially in our first year of marriage, and I still have to sit back and reevaluate my actions sometimes.  I spent a lot of my time not knowing how to effectively communicate my needs in the beginning of our marriage, especially when I would want/need help with things. I found that when I would ask my husband to help me out with certain things, they would change for a little while and then go back to the way they were before. This would often leave me frustrated and upset because I felt like he wasn’t listening to me or helping me in the way that I needed. One day, I said to myself maybe this is a “ME” problem. So, I changed my approach of how I asked him to do things and asked him what is the best way to communicate my wants and needs to him….. let me tell you this CHANGED our marriage dynamic so much. Learning how to look at what you need to change in yourself to help see the change in your spouse is so important BECAUSE if we don’t address it we can find ourselves building up with resentment and anger. 

Now this isn’t an overnight change, but more like “sprinkling salt” to make things better a little at a time and building up to be where you want to be in your marriage and your communication with your spouse. 

These are just a few things I have learned and I am still learning in my young marriage, but I feel like they can be helpful to you even if you are currently married, looking to get married, or are in a young marriage. Let me know in the comments some of the lessons you have learned in your marriage or how long you have been married to your spouse! 

Until next time…..

Riley Jo XOXO